Simonstian
by I Suffer From Hubris
Summary: "You know it's rude to stare." "Oho, vampire?" the boy asked curiously, as if he weren't used to people chiding him for staring or for anything else. "Yes, person," Simon said back, feeling like his retort wasn't very powerful. "Simon…" exhaled the Shadowhunter, as if the name tasted nice and he was savoring it slowly. "I… am Sebastian, and you are Simon." M for insinuations.


The vampire, Simon, just got to Idris and was lounging awkwardly around the Penhallows' house while "Sebastian Verlac", AKA the real Jonathan Morgenstern, looked at him through black, soulless eyes.

Simon was kind of uncomfortable from the uncommon attention from the mysterious Shadowhunter who he hadn't even been formally introduced to yet. Well, "kind of" was a big understatement. He was _extremely _uncomfortable.

Once that Asian chick, Aline, left the room in search of Jace, Simon decided to put his uneasiness to rest, saying aloud, "You know it's rude to stare."

"Oho, vampire?" the boy asked curiously, as if he weren't used to people chiding him for staring or for anything else.

"Yes, person," Simon said back, feeling like his retort wasn't very powerful. Because it wasn't.

Sebastian studied him silently, looking over the vampire boy's lusciously dark brown hair and equally succulent dark brown eyes. Sebastian was oddly turned on by the brunet, even though he was decidedly straight. Or so he thought!

Simon shifted, ill at ease, in the boy Shadowhunter's unrelenting gaze. He couldn't resist fidgeting, since the new guy seemed so enthralled with him. Simon thought, somehow, that the black-haired youth was beautiful beyond all reason. Not that Simon was gay or anything, but he felt a sort of manly pull towards him, even though he didn't know the person's name. He was taken aback by the fact that he wasn't even introduced to the guy yet, and so said tentatively, "Um… Hi. We haven't been introduced yet. I'm Simon."

"Simon…" exhaled the Shadowhunter, as if the name tasted nice and he was savoring it slowly. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I… am Sebastian, and you are Simon."

"Um, yeah. I kind of know that." Simon starting babbling about something or other, covering up his feelings about Sebastian. The truth was that he thought Sebastian _and_ his name were delicious. In a totally platonic way, of course. He had to keep babbling so that he wouldn't do something he would regret later.

Like what Sebastian decided to do. He fluidly ghosted over to Simon and sat disturbingly close to the other boy, hooking one arm around his neck and using the other to put over Simon's lips. "Hush…" Sebastian murmured. "No talking."

Heat rose involuntarily into Simon's cheeks, and he stuttered, "O-o-o-okay, then." He leaned slightly away from Sebastian, who now on top of his lap, nuzzling his neck and whispering very naughty things into his ear, raising the hairs on the back of Simon's neck. There was just something about Sebastian's voice that was so delectable that if Sebastian's voice were edible, Simon would scarf it down in an instant. Suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted by a passionate kiss from the boy- nay, the _man_- on his lap. No ordinary boy could make Simon feel the way he was now. Simon fully understood that he did not like boys, but he very much liked men. Men like that scrumptious Sebastian.

That revelation caused him to jerk back from Sebastian's seeking, hungry lips, which in turn made Sebastian whisper, "What? Have I done something wrong? I thought you wanted this."

"No, no, it's not that," Simon assured him quickly. "It's just…" He let the sentence trail off accidentally, meaning to continue. He just needed to find the words!

But Sebastian had interrupted him, an annoyed and hurt expression on his darkly handsome face. "It's just what?" he demanded.

"It's nothing important," said Simon. "Really, it's nothing."

"You have a girlfriend, don't you?" Sebastian asked, his eyes welling with tears.

"Of course not! And if makes you feel any better, I was just dumped by that ginger thing you have yet to meet, Clary!" Something suspicious flashed in Sebastian's mouth-watering, blackberry-colored eyes at the word 'Clary', but it disappeared in an instant so Simon did not press the point.

"Then what was it?" Sebastian breathed, delighting in the delicious anxiety of Simon. "What made you hesitate?"

"You'll make fun of me for it," Simon wailed, turning his head away from Sebastian.

Sebastian fiercely grabbed Simon's chin and jerked it back to face him. "No I won't! I'd never make fun of you! You're the most appetizing thing I've ever seen!"

Simon considered that, thinking about his personal list of most appetizing things. Sebastian was near the front, but then again, there was that one juicy steak in fifth grade that was _also_ yummy. Nah, Sebastian beat it. Beat it to a pulp. "Fine," he sighed, reluctantly telling the youth on his lap what had startled him. "I just realized that I'm gay, is all."

Sebastian purred like a cat and rubbed his head against Simon's cheek, his shadowy black hair tickling his face refreshingly. "Is that all?"

"Yes," Simon whimpered, feeling that his emotions weren't up to par when dealing with such a wonderful figure as Sebastian.

"Then this won't bother you," Sebastian said lowly, pulling Simon into another heated kiss, which the other boy enthusiastically returned, each taking pride in their good fortune.

They broke apart at the abrupt sound of the door opening, in walking a fair-haired god of sorts known as Jace. "Whoa," Jace said, startled, freezing on the spot at the spectacle before him. That ginger he knew, her Simon was just making out with that Asian girl Aline's cousin! What was going on? "I'll just go back outside," Jace suggested, backtracking slightly. "Leave you two alone. Try not to stain the couch." And with that, he ducked out, madly sprinting away from that house.

"Now where were we?" Sebastian growled seductively, pulling Simon against him yet another time. Simon responded immediately, leaning into the kiss and practically begging Sebastian for more contact without words. Sebastian rose to the bait and, like a frolicking dolphin, leaped up and threw Simon onto the couch, letting out an animalistic snarl and diving onto his prey.

Simon gripped Sebastian by the majestic hair, moaning against his mouth.

And then came another interruption. It was that Asian thing, Aline. She halted instantaneously, transfixed at the magnificently erotic scene before the Yaoi fangirl. "Wow…" was all she could say before passing out from blood loss from her nose.

But, alas, Simon and Sebastian did not notice her at all, for they were feeling very "happy", and were kind of "occupied" at the moment, frantically discarding their unnecessary garments.

And so they continued for hours on end without any other interruptions.

And they all lived happily ever after. Except for Max. WAAAAAAAAAH!

The End.

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**A/N: In case you lovely reader's couldn't tell, I was hungry when I wrote this (at midnight, mind you) and desperately wanted something to eat. Thus the constant analogies to food and/or eating.**

**Oh, and from now on, Sebastian will be known as Jonathan, the carnivorous, snarling dolphin that likes to eat cute, unsuspecting little vampires named Simon. **

**I DO NOT OWN THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS. IF I DID, CLARY WOULDN'T EXIST IN THE FIRST PLACE AND THE MAIN CHARACTER WOULD ACTUALLY BE LIKABLE (no offense to Cassandra Clare, of course).**

**Read and review, please!  
**


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